Today I had a terrifying encounter- well to myself perhaps (and needless to say that I can be very overdramatic. But I was having a conversation with my BOYFRIEND and we were discussing our mutual friends who are studying with us over here. We were discussing our friends and why they bailed on his plans last night, and he replied with, “he was busy with a girl” and my reply was, “but he has a girlfriend right?”. My boyfriend who has a smirk but continues to talk as though he didn’t hear my question. I ask again. He smiles now and says, “you know that he does.” Well you can get the gist of the conversation but it ends up with me saying, “how are you okay with knowing that your friends are cheating on their girlfriends back home?”and he replies, “but they are going to marry their girlfriends anyway. And besides MEN WILL BE MEN.”
Am I the only person that finds this to be extremely problematic. When is it okay for a males actions to be justified like that- and when has it become a ‘thing’ that cheating is okay- because it’s not. I understand yes we are young and relationships are not too serious at these ages (I disagree- but that is a post for another day) but that does not condone cheating. I think that it is unfair and cruel to the person that you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with. I am not implying that women are gentle creatures who should be protected and that they should be held with care- women are strong and independent but no person, be it a man or women deserves to be cheated on.
But the biggest problem I had was the justification of “men will be men” it gets used for everything: men and their attitudes towards women, how men think a system of patriarchy is right, how men think it’s okay to justify their sexual actions. It is the start of this that leads to rape.These boys think it’s okay because they saw their fathers do this, they saw their uncles do it and they with their friends and cousins do these same actions- but when I asked the question how they would feel knowing that some boy would do this to their future daughter they could not imagine it and knew that no one would ‘fuck with their daughters.’
How do we end this cycle of allowing boys to think that these types of behaviors are okay- I think awareness is key- today I hoped that I made y boyfriend realize how terrible his thoughts and actions are and I hope and pray that he gives the same sort of lesson to his friends.
My future sone I pray that you respect women, honor women and treat them as the empowering individuals that they are. No women is less than you, and you should ALWAYS remember that.
If I hear people say the words, “Men will be men” once more.